TheOnion

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Dunk Contest Judges Award Obi Toppin Perfect 10 After Jumping Over Coronavirus Particles

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Oprah Interviews Meghan Markle, Prince Harry: What To Expect

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James Harden Pump Fakes Under 4 Dummies During NBA All-Star Drawing-Fouls Challenge

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Larry Flynt Promises To Make God Famous With Nude Photo Shoot

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Girlfriend’s Back Too Knotted And Gnarled For Massage To Turn Sexy

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Health Experts Recommend Against Getting Zapped By Any Sort Of Futuristic Space Gun

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Botched Autopsy Brings Murder Victim Back To Life

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Boyfriend Upset About Something American Government Did In 1970s

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Andrew Yang Leading NYC Mayoral Race After Flipping Off Residents And Telling Them To Suck His Dick

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Timeline Of U.S. Involvement In Yemen

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‘New England Journal Of Teen Medicine’ Retracts Flawed Study Positing You Can’t Get Pregnant The First Time

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Report: If It Weren’t For Covid, You’d Be On A Carousel Right Now

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Flustered Donald Trump Confesses He Only Murdered Mistress Because He Loved Her

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Judge Real Stickler About Biological Weapons Anti-Terrorism Act Of 1989

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City’s Outdoor Dining Solutions Slowly Advancing Beyond Rest Of Civilization

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Media Claims Britney Spears Well Enough To Be Released Back Into Their Sole Custody

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Onlookers Realize Beauty Of Love Again After Seeing Dead-Eyed Man Swiping Right On Every Tinder Profile

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Americans Scrambling For Covid Vaccine After CDC Director Announces Thousands Of Doses Buried Somewhere In California

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